“Now, with God’s help, I shall become myself.” – Kierkegaard

Life is about to get more interesting and, I admit it, I’m a bit anxious. After more than two years away from church involvement, I’ve agreed to lead our home church group along with my husband, Tim. I believe it’s the right thing to do at this point in my life. I’m lucky to be part of a “church for people who aren’t into church.” (I really love that this description is front and center on the church’s web site!) Still I recognize I’m feeling some anxiety about putting myself back into a situation that has historically been both rewarding and the source of a lot of pain and frustration.

I’ve had trouble putting my finger on exactly what the issue is. I know the people already. Tim and I have been part of this home church group for the past year. They aren’t the source of my discomfort.

Earlier this week I came across something completely unrelated that is helping me understand the source of my anxiety. I was catching up on some reading and came across an article in a series Rachel Held Evans has on her blog, asking readers to pose questions to a variety of people representing different beliefs. This particular edition was “Ask a Calvinist….”. The questions were thoughtful as were the answers. However, when I went to explore the discussion on The Gospel Coalition blog with Justin Taylor’s link to the article, I received a revelation regarding my anxiety. The comments on The Gospel Coalition’s site were brutal! The harsh criticism and apparent desire to argue rather than discuss brought into stark relief many of the reasons I chose to leave church involvement behind me two years ago. [Read more…]